tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25417589635796995812024-02-19T01:07:04.147-08:00Scantilily CladLily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-2524910111632943172014-09-26T09:09:00.000-07:002014-09-26T09:11:37.032-07:00PARALLELS<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What happens when we reframe a feminist position and apply it to racism? Why might the latter evoke so much more controversy and resistance?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anne Theriault from <a href="http://bellejar.ca/2014/03/15/tired-of-talking-to-men/" target="_blank">The Belle Jar</a> wrote an excellent piece that I love, "Tired of Talking to Men" about the burden of explaining feminism to men. I realized that it paralleled much of how I feel lately about explaining racism to white people, so I approached her about a racism rewrite of her piece.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here it is, Anne's words and my rewrite (in bold):</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">***</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am tired of talking about feminism to men.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am tired of talking about racism to white feminists.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know that I’m not supposed to say this. I know that as a good little third-wave feminist I’m supposed to sweetly explain to you how much I love and value men. I’m supposed to trot out my husband of nearly five years, my son, all of my male friends and relatives and display them as a sort of badge of honour, proof that I am not a man-hater. I’m supposed to hold out my own open palms, prove to you how harmless I am, how nice I am. Above all, I’m supposed to butter you up, you men, stroke your egos, tell you how very important you are in the fight for equality. This is the right way to go about it, or so I’ve been told. As my mother would say, you catch more flies with honey.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know I’m not supposed to say this. I know that as a good little third-wave feminist of colour I’m supposed to sweetly explain to you how much I love and value white allies. I’m supposed to trot out my white partner of nearly five years and all of my white friends and display them as a sort of badge of honour, proof that I am not a white-people hater. I’m supposed to hold out my own open palms, prove to you how harmless I am, how nice I am. After all, I’m supposed to butter you up, you white people, stroke your egos, tell you how very important you are in the fight for equality. This is the right way to go about it, or so I’ve been told. As my mother would say, you catch more flies with honey.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b>But still. I’m tired of talking about feminism to men.</span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />But still. I’m tired of talking about racism to white feminists.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m tired of explaining to men that the feminist movement will, in fact, benefit them as well as women. I’m tired of trying to hawk gender equality like I’m some kind of car salesman showing off a shiny new sedan, explaining all of its bells and whistles. I’m tired of smiling through a thousand thoughtless microaggressions, tired of providing countless pieces of evidence, tired of being questioned on every. single. damn. thing. I’m tired of proving that microaggressions exist, tired of proving that I’m unfairly questioned and asked for proof. For a movement that’s centered around the advancement and empowerment of women, why do I feel like I’m supposed to spend so damn much of my time carefully considering how what I say and do will be taken by men?</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m tired of explaining to white feminists that anti-racism will, in fact, benefit them as well as women of colour. I’m tired of trying to hawk racial equality like I’m some kind of car salesman showing off a shiny new sedan, explaining all of its bells and whistles. I’m tired of smiling through a thousand thoughtless microaggressions, tired of providing countless pieces of evidence, tired of being questioned on every. single. damn. thing. I’m tired of proving that microaggressions exist, tired of proving that I’m unfairly questioned and asked for proof. For a movement that’s centered around the advancement and empowerment of women, why do I feel like I’m supposed to spend so damn much of my time carefully considering how what I say and do will be taken by white feminists?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m tired of men who insert themselves into feminist spaces with claims of hurt feelings. I’m tired of men who somehow manage to make every issue about them. I’m tired of men like the one who recently stopped by a friend’s Facebook thread in order to call feminism “cunty,” then lecture the women involved for being too “hostile” in their responses to him. I’m tired of men telling me that my understanding of feminism and rape culture are wrong, as if these aren’t things that I have studied intensely. I’m tired of men who claim to be feminist allies, then abuse that position to their own advantage. I’m so fucking exhausted by the fact that I know that I will have to, at some point in this piece, mention that I understand that not all men are like that. I will have to note that some men are good allies. And all of those things are true! And all of you good allies get cookies! But honestly I’m tired of handing out cookies to people just because they’re being decent fucking human beings.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m tired of white feminists who insert themselves into coloured spaces with claims of hurt feelings. I’m tired of white feminists who somehow manage to make every issue about them. I’m tired of white feminists like the one who was recently called out by women of colour for mocking black women, and then she and other white feminists lecture the women involved for being too “hostile” in their responses to her. I’m tired of white feminists telling me that my understanding of feminism and racism are wrong, as if these aren’t things that I have studied intensely. I’m tired of white feminists who claim to be allies, then abuse that position to their own advantage. I’m so fucking exhausted by the fact that I know that I will have to, at some point in this piece, mention that I understand that not all white feminists are like that. I will have to note that some white feminists are good allies. And all of those things are true! And all of you good allies get cookies! But honestly I’m tired of handing out cookies to people just because they’re being decent fucking human beings.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I spoke today on a panel about rape culture, and while the whole experience was fucking fantastic, I was totally disheartened by how many of the other presenters went out of their way to convince the men in the room that rape culture affected them, too. The phrase “rape culture isn’t a women’s issue, it’s a everyone’s issue,” kept coming up, and though I understand why it could be valuable to frame it that way, the rationale behind that makes me kind of sick. Because what we’re really saying is that if rape culture is understood to only be a woman’s issue, then it won’t be as important to men. Rape culture is something that men should care about not because it might affect them, but because it affects anyone at all. Men should care about women’s safety, full stop, without having the concept somehow relate back to them. Everyone should care about everyone else’s well-being – that’s what good people are supposed to do.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I recently had to do a lot of educating about racism in white feminist circles, and while I was happy that many white feminists supported me and the other women of colour involved, I was totally disheartened by how some white feminists could not see that they were failing to check their own white privilege. Racism is something that white feminists should care about because oppressions do not act in isolation. White feminists should care about the safety of feminists of colour, full stop, without having to make it about them. Everyone should care about everyone else’s well-being – that’s what good people are supposed to do.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is it really so hard to have compassion about something that might not directly affect you?</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is it really so hard to have compassion about something that might not directly affect you?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I find that the more that I engage in activism, the more men seem to think that my time belongs to them. There seems to be this idea that if I’ve set myself up as an educator about feminism and gender and women’s rights (and I know that I have, and by and large I enjoy that role), then it’s somehow part of my job to take the time out of my busy day to explain basic feminist concepts to them. If I don’t, then I’m accused of all kinds of things – not properly backing up what I say with facts (though the facts are easily accessible to those who want them), not caring enough about “converting” men who might be on the fence (though they could convert themselves if they really wanted to), not being strong or smart enough to engage in a discussion (which we both know isn’t going to go anywhere). I used to burn myself out by patiently laying out my talking points over and over, directing people towards resources, never walking away from an arguments be it big or small. But I’m not doing that to myself anymore. This is my space; I get to decide what happens here. If I don’t want to reply to comments, then I won’t. If I don’t want to engage someone, then I’ll ignore them. Yes, I am here to educate and to explain, but I am not under any obligation to do anything that I don’t want to. That is not my job. If you want to learn more, then that’s your job.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I find that the more that I engage in feminism, the more white feminists seem to think that my time belongs to them. There seems to be this idea that if I’ve set myself up as an educator about feminism and gender and women’s rights and racism (and I know that I have, and by and large I enjoy that role), then it’s somehow part of my job to take the time out of my busy day to explain basic racism concepts to them. If I don’t, then I’m accused of all kinds of things – not properly backing up what I say with facts (though the facts are easily accessible to those who want them), not caring enough about teaching white feminists who haven’t thought enough about racism (though they could teach themselves if they really wanted to), not being strong or smart enough to engage in a discussion (which we both know isn’t going to go anywhere). I used to burn myself out by patiently laying out my talking points over and over, directing people towards resources, never walking away from an arguments be it big or small. But I’m not doing that to myself anymore. This is my space; I get to decide what happens here. If I don’t want to reply to comments, then I won’t. If I don’t want to engage someone, then I’ll ignore them. Yes, I am here to educate and to explain, but I am not under any obligation to do anything that I don’t want to. That is not my job. If you want to learn more, then that’s your job.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m going to call on all the men out there who consider themselves to be allies and ask them to step up to the plate and walk their own talk. When you see a woman being mansplained, you be the one to step in and call him out. When you see a bunch of men making misogynistic jokes, you be the one to tell them to fuck off. When someone asks for “proof,” don’t wait for a woman to provide it – you be the one to offer resources. Show us what a good ally you are by standing in the line of fire for once, and when you do, don’t immediately turn around and ask us for praise.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m going to call on all the white feminists out there who consider themselves to be allies and ask them to step up to the plate and walk their own talk. When you see a woman of colour being whitesplained, you be the one to step in and call them out. When you see a bunch of white people making racist jokes, you be the one to tell them to fuck off. When someone asks for “proof,” don’t wait for a person of colour to provide it – you be the one to offer resources. Show us what a good ally you are by standing in the line of fire for once, and when you do, don’t immediately turn around and ask us for praise.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m tired of talking to men about feminism, but it doesn’t have to be like this. The burden of this discussion doesn’t have to be on women; we don’t have to be the only ones fighting the good fight. So please, men who are reading this – instead of the usual knee-jerk reaction towards these types of posts, instead of rolling your eyes and saying, “great, another feminist shitting on men,” I’m asking you to instead get involved and do what you can to affect change. I’m not going to condescend to you and try to explain why that will make the world a better place; I trust that you’re all smart enough to figure that out by yourselves.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m tired of talking to white feminists about racism, but it doesn’t have to be like this. The burden of this discussion doesn’t have to be on people of colour; we don’t have to be the only ones fighting the good fight. So please, white feminists who are reading this – instead of the usual knee-jerk reaction towards these types of posts, instead of rolling your eyes and saying, “great, another woman of colour shitting on white feminists,” I’m asking you to instead get involved and do what you can to affect change. I’m not going to condescend to you and try to explain why that will make the world a better place; I trust that you’re all smart enough to figure that out by yourselves.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">By Anne Thériault & <b>Lily Tsui</b></span><br />
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Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-51026447537389606902014-09-16T16:08:00.000-07:002014-09-19T17:29:03.052-07:00Letter to White Feminism<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Dear White Feminists: Why do you keep doing this to us?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You. Yeah, you over there.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Why is it that when women of colour share their pain with you, you can’t help but make it about yourselves?</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You are able to see that when men turn feminist concerns into whining about their own existence that it is derailing, that they should not be making it about them, yet when your sisters of colour call you out for your bad behaviour, you get defensive and tell us we are too angry or not nice enough or not polite enough or how we should be more like honey and not vinegar. </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You tell us we’re divisive, that we are causing fractures among women who should stand together, that we are a threat to solidarity, when it is your bad behaviour and failure to take responsibility for it that fails the movement. We are allies of convenience for you: we are welcome and lauded when we speak up and add our voices to yours, but when we rightfully dissent we are a burden. When we stand up for ourselves as you do against patriarchy, when we stand up and tell you that the colour of our skin makes the burden of patriarchy even heavier, you tell us we are distracting from work on more important issues.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When one of us stands alone and speaks about this, we are told this is their own private personal problem. When we stand together and speak about this, when one coloured voice is added to another, we are told we are ganging up on you, when you just innocently did not know any better, when your other coloured friend said it was okay for your to act this way, and you ask us why we are being bullies and if we could just stop being so mean.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You recognize the toxicity of #NotAllMen and the validity of #YesAllWomen but stay willfully blind to #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen. The irony of #NotAllWhiteFeminists flies over your head.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">On one side, where you see patriarchy, you fight against tone-policing, recognizing it for the derailing tactic that it is. On the other side, the side where we stand with you, you use tone-policing to silence us.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The thing is, you need us more than we need you. Each and every one of us have lived a lifetime of intersecting oppressions. We all share similar wounds from patriarchy, but those of us who are not white have dealt with those wounds while at the same time nursing our injuries from a world that is just as racist as it is misogynist. Our army is stronger, because we have had to be. So when it comes time to really fight against the oppressive systems that hold us down, you’re the ones who will be left behind, because you think that our concerns distract from your cause when in fact they make the movement stronger. </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It does not have to be this way. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You are capable of empathy. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You are capable of learning about intersectionality. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You are capable of being a real ally.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Now go do something about it.</span><br />
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Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-80586904891665548182014-09-07T09:59:00.000-07:002014-09-07T09:59:35.264-07:00To People Who Believe Womens’ Bodies are Property: You're an Ass AND You Can't Even Use Your Own Analogy Right<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Last week, I saw someone argue that if you want to keep your shit safe, the only reasonable thing to do is put it in a safety deposit box. This was in the context of one of many, many debates over the celebrity nude photos debacle. What happened to those women was a sex crime, and the case has been well-argued by others like <a href="http://bellejar.ca/2014/09/02/what-happened-to-jennifer-lawrence-was-sexual-assault/" target="_blank">Anne over at the Bellejar</a> so I won’t elaborate further here.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It has bothered me that sex crimes are often compared to property crimes. My vagina is not comparable to a wallet (although I suppose if I really want to, I could store some stuff in it). My body is not a purse that I could leave unattended on a park bench, or an unlocked car at the curb. I would argue that my body is in fact under 24 hour guard by me, because for most humans, except those that have mastered astral projection, we are with our bodies ALL THE TIME. I don’t know what bank the safety deposit box lady goes to, but I have not been able to find a safety deposit box for my vagina.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I think the fact that we talk about women’s bodies as property reflects the rape culture in which we live. A culture in which women are not people, but instead a commodity to be consumed by men. We are not entitled to safety, because we are not really people; at least, not as much as men get to be people.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The irony is, people don’t even talk about women’s bodies as particularly valuable property.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Years ago, my house was broken into. I came home to my front door unlocked and complete chaos inside the house. Two laptops were gone, our wedding rings, some other jewelry, a camera, and a guitar were taken. I was really creeped out, knowing strangers had been in my home. It felt like a violation.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">People were so supportive. These are the kinds of things they said:<br />
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“Oh my God, that’s awful. Are you okay? What can I do to help? Do you need me to come stay over for a few days?”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Do you think the police are doing enough? Are they dusting for prints?”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At no point did anyone ask me if I had left my doors unlocked, or said that I should have had a security system, or really, any responsibility implied on my part whatsoever.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But what do we hear when someone is sexually assaulted, or harassed on the street, or have their nude photos stolen?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“If someone wants their shit secure they should keep it in a safety deposit box!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Well, what do you expect, she was dressed like a slut!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I don’t agree with people who compare women’s bodies to property. I think it is extremely dehumanizing and women deserve better, so much better. But for people that do think of women’s bodies this way: <br />
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CAN’T YOU AT LEAST EXTEND THE SAME COURTESY YOU WOULD WHEN TALKING ABOUT ACTUAL VALUABLES? YOU CAN’T EVEN BE CONSISTENT WHEN USING YOUR OWN SHITTY WORLDVIEW TO TALK ABOUT SEXUAL VIOLENCE! YOU CAN’T EVEN USE YOUR OWN CRAPPY ANALOGY RIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Note: in case it is not brutally obvious by now, I think that if you believe women’s bodies are equivalent to materials goods, you are a misogynistic asstoupee. My point though, is if you’re going to see the world through such a terrible lens, you could at least be more consistent in your sick views. </span></div>
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Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-15256711081414867842014-07-30T09:24:00.002-07:002014-07-30T09:24:14.037-07:00Pseudo-Recipe for Kickass Crab Bisque<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">*pseudo because I don’t really measure anything and always just sort of do this kind of thing on the fly.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">This is what I did to make crab bisque. It was ridiculously tasty. I am not really into “subtle flavours”, so do know that this bisque is really crabby and just sort of hits you in the face with it’s overwhelming crabbiness. As you will see there isn’t much in it other than crab.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Boil some crabs. (I used two dungeness crab which in total came in just under four pounds). Save the water you boiled the crabs in. Some people like to salt the water but then it creates over-saltiness issues when reducing stock so I think you can get away without salting the water.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Take all the meat out of the crabs. Keep everything else (including the “goo”). You need the goo for the flavour in the stock. If you think the crab goo is disgusting then get over yourself and go eat something else.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It’s easiest if you just take the crab apart over a oven-safe pan. I used my pyrex lasagna pan. Throw the whole pile of stuff into the oven at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes, or until you smell roasty crab smells. Then dump the whole pile back into the pot where the crab-water is. Boil it gently, with the lid on. The longer you boil it the tastier it will be. Add an onion and other veggies, if you want (I just did an onion). I boiled it for about 90 minutes. Stir it occasionally. Probably not a big deal if you don’t though. You may want to do this outside if this is an option for you (I have a burner on my BBQ) if you don’t want your house to smell like crab for days.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Once you run out of time and/or patience, fish out all the large chunks. Now boil it some more with the lid off to reduce the stock. For the stock for 2 crabs I added four glug glugs of Sherry. Then I reduced it by about 3 or 4x. (So, for each litre of crab stock, I reduced it down to a cup or a bit more).</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Now you strain it all, first with a medium mesh strainer and then with a fine mesh strainer or a cheese cloth. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Make a roux by melting butter in a pan and then adding flour to the sizzling butter. People vary in how they like to do roux but there’s something called google you can use to figure that part out. I like it on the slightly browner side for colour but then it has less thickening power so adjust accordingly.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Then you dump crab stock in. Careful not to use too much as the stock may be salty. Make sure you stir rigorously as you add the stock to the roux.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Let it simmer a few minutes. Then add cream. You want it to be really kickass, use heavy (whipping) cream. You may be able to get away with using a lower fat cream or even milk, but note that the higher fat content leads to tastier/richer bisque and you don’t have the problem of curdling as easily.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 0px;">Taste it. It will thicken as it cools so you want it a bit more liquidy than the consistency for serving. Adjust with herbs and salt and pepper, if needed. (Mine did not need anything; I would have thrown in some thyme if I could find any.) Err on the side of adding cream slowly, if it gets too thick start thinning out with milk/water.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You can warm up the crab meat a bit if you like, or in my case I just separated the meat into bowls and poured the hot bisque right on top. That resulted in perfect diving in temperature. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I would imagine this could work well for lobster too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 0px;">I know this is probably not super helpful if you are in need of </span><span style="font-size: 12px;">specific</span><span style="font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 0px;"> instructions for cooking, but as one of the reasons why I think I get good results is trusting my instincts and adjusting on the fly, I don't want to be any more specific. Cooking should be about being </span><span style="font-size: 12px;">creative! (There's many specific recipes out their in the world so there's always google too). I just wanted to share this because it is the best soup I've ever made and maybe others want to try it too.</span></span><br />
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Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-39401228893517174222014-03-20T12:06:00.003-07:002014-03-20T12:09:02.061-07:00A Letter of Support to Women Who Happen Also To Be MothersI appear to be well-known as someone who is not a huge fan of being a mother.<br />
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This isn't much of a surprise to me; my skepticism regarding motherhood is something I have been quite outspoken about, although less so now than a few years ago.<br />
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I used to believe that motherhood was primarily a trap, a bottomless void of obligation from which there is no escape. This is in part fuelled by my own mother's ambivalence towards motherhood, and the… questionable ways in which she dealt with me. As more and more women I know became mothers, my position on motherhood has softened and become much more nuanced.<br />
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In spite of my well-known aversion to becoming a mother myself (and I will admit, my aversion wavers from time to time, but that's for a whole other piece), motherhood, and by extension, parenthood, are ways of being that I'm curious about and have taken steps to be more informed about it. My attitudes towards motherhood are not so much anti-children as they are pro-women; although I recognize this can be difficult to distinguish at times. For the record, if I love you or care about you, this gets automatically extended to your children.<br />
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Sometimes people are surprised to find out I am a doula. I chose to participate in doula training initially because a friend asked me to be her birth coach; but I do not actively solicit clients to provide birthing services. (It's something meant for people who really love the work, because the market rate for doula work is terrible.) I've enjoyed all the births I've attended, but I know it is in part because I had pre-existing personal relationships with the birthing moms. In doula training, there was a discussion about being "child-centred" or "woman-centred"; I am definitely far in the realm of the latter. I care about the child, sure, but I see my role as focused on optimizing the woman's experience, especially since I've seen how child-centred the birthing experience can be.<br />
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Anyways, enough about me. I had to share the above because I think what I've described here are in part why many women I know have said things about being a mother to me that they may not say to someone else, because our culture seems to frown on being anything less than a perfect mother who wants to be with their child 24/7 and be 100% devoted constantly. I believe this ideal is impossible, and often, attempting to be this ideal is unhealthy.<br />
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I want women in my life who also happen to be mothers to know that it is okay to not enjoy being a mom all the time. It's even okay to hate it. You can love your children without wanting to be with them 24/7. Being at home with a baby can be incredibly boring/annoying/soul-sucking. What our society at times promote as "good" ideals for mothering can come with a huge cost to your sense-of-self.<br />
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I know this because mothers have told me these things; often in tears and almost always with great difficulty. None of it has ever been surprising for me to hear, but yet many of the women who've shared these thoughts with me say so as though they are confessing horrible thoughts and intentions that no one else who had ever existed had ever felt and therefore they must be terrible people.<br />
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My reaction has always been along the lines of "that sounds perfectly sane and normal to me."How could it not be? First, there's the dramatic changes to one's body via pregnancy (assuming there was one, although I vaguely recall that even if one does not carry a baby themselves there can still be hormonal changes and etc.), followed by dramatic changes to one's lifestyle. For most women I know, birth marks a sudden transition from being a working woman to staying at home. You go from being around adults all day to being around a baby who is entirely unable to recognize that you have needs and wants; in fact, I would argue that newborns cannot even recognize that you are a person (that is not to say that there isn't lots of bonding and other wonderful things going on, but let's not pretend that babies are not, by their very nature, 100% self-centred). It is an incredibly unbalanced relationship. No one I know would ever put up with that kind of dependency from another adult, yet somehow as a mother not only are you supposed to put up with it, you're supposed to not even resent it a little. This is completely non-sensical to me.<br />
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Of course, this is why the entire human race is hardwired (save some extraordinary and terrifying examples) to fall in love with babies. We've evolved this way, because otherwise our species wouldn't have survived. No self-respecting person I know would put up with a partner treating them the ways babies do; yet society often frowns on mothers expressing anything but pure joy and devotion towards their incredibly needy offspring.<br />
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Well, I for one, want the women in my life to know that there is nothing more human and honest to me than someone feeling ambivalent about being a mother. It is not the same as being ambivalent about loving your children. Expressing your frustration about what you've had to sacrifice is an act of self-care; I am happy to be a sympathetic ear. Everyone in my life knows how much I love dogs, but I still get annoyed at them and resent their neediness from time to time. When I tell a story about how my dog got into the garbage and I was resentful that I had to clean it up doesn't mean I love them less, so why would anyone think that being resentful about changing 3+ years of diapers full of human waste be seen as bad mothering?<br />
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I can't change our culture's unrealistic expectations about what motherhood should look like, but I can offer the following:<br />
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1. I am your friend before I am your child's friend. So if you want to tell me your baby/toddler/child/teenager/grown children are being assholes, I am not going to make excuses for them. I will agree with you. "Yeah! Can't believe he threw the spaghetti on the floor! Such an asshole". (I do believe even babies and young children can be assholes, at least through adult eyes, even if they don't INTEND to be assholes.)<br />
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2. I can sympathize with the frustrations of domestic life. Look at my house. I don't have kids. It's a mess. I can't even imagine what it would be like to insert a kid into the mix. Honestly, if I had kids, I would see it as completely justifiable that we live in a wasteland.<br />
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3. I may not have to put up with social expectations of being a perfect mother, but I have often had to deal with accusations that I am selfish for not wanting to BE a mother. I DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS AND PEOPLE TRY TO GUILT-TRIP ME ABOUT BEING A BAD MOTHER TO CHILDREN THAT DO NOT EXIST. So even though the guilt probably comes from a different place for you, I get it. I get that you can feel utter relief when ditching your kids at your parents or at the in-laws or with a babysitter, yet also feel guilty for feeling that relief or joy or whatever.<br />
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4. If you're having a bad mothering day/week/month/year, and others are expressing disapproval, know that I am generally quite impressed your kids are alive. Most days I'm impressed with myself for keeping ME alive, let alone someone else who isn't capable of getting in the car and obtaining sustenance at the drive-thru and using a damn toilet.<br />
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5. I have had significant training in crisis counselling. You can talk to me in this capacity about parenting, if you want to. From my eyes, parenting appears to be an endless string of crises after another anyway. I may be completely useless when it comes to practical advice, but I am pretty good at listening.<br />
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6. (This relates directly back to number 3, so I have no idea why I inserted two more list items in between, but whatever.) I believe being a mother will include feeling horrible about what you have to do (I refer back to managing human waste for years), so I will try to talk you out of also feeling guilty for feeling like shit about it sometimes. Feeling like shit about it is already something I wish I could help prevent; there really is no point in feeling guilty about feeling like shit about something.<br />
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I get that it is possible that maybe, just maybe, some of the women I know can be that ideal mother society lauds as what we should strive to be. And if you are, good for you. But I suspect that it's much more probable that all the mothers I know feel ambivalent at least on occasion, and I want you to know that I'm here for you. Just because I've chosen to be childless doesn't mean I am heartless.<br />
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So, to be clear: I may not be a big fan of the idea of ME being a mother, but that doesn't mean I am not a big fan of women who ARE mothers. I've rambled on long enough, and if you've stuck with me all the way to the end of this post, know that if I am supportive of you in general, my support doesn't end when it comes to your experiences as a mother, even if I am not one myself.<br />
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In solidarity,<br />
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Lily<br />
<br />Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-54972377339699511682012-11-03T14:59:00.001-07:002012-11-03T14:59:05.304-07:00Single mom receipt: STFU already!<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I woke up this morning to find the internet in a bit of an uproar over the “single mom receipt” (I’m not going to link the image, for a multitude of reasons, some of which are listed below.But </span><a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=single+mom+receipt" style="letter-spacing: 0px;" target="_blank">let me google it for you.</a><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">). Basically, it’s a Visa receipt that shows a bill for $138.35 and on the tip line, “single mom sorry” is written in, and at the bottom of the receipt it says “thank you it was great”.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When I first saw it, I thought, “ouch!” Followed by, “gosh that’s pretty rude... sucks to have been the server”.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Then I started reading the comments on social media.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">There seems to be several immediately apparent categories of responses:</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>“If she couldn’t afford it, she shouldn’t have splurged. <insert follow-up statements about single mom’s being irresponsible, on welfare, think they’re entitled to whatever, blah blah blah>.”</b> We know nothing about this situation. If the receipt is authentic (which I have significant doubts about), then sure, it’s rude, but people do assholy things all the time. (Like park in 4 parking spots, pick out all the shrimp from the seafood medley in the buffet, leave dog shit on the sidewalk, etc.) The amount of judgment being thrown around in this particular case seems over-the-top. Although, not really that surprising because single moms represent everything <a href="http://jessicavalenti.com/books/the-purity-myth/" target="_blank">the purity myth</a> is against in our society: "Women are out of control and have too much sex! Welfare queens! ZOMG! They need to get back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>“I’m a single mom, and I’d never do that.”</b> It makes me sad that this response is so common, because it’s obvious that single mom’s realize that society sees them not only negatively, but also that they’re all the same somehow. Of course, given all the nasty statements being made about this single mom in particular, and single moms in general, if I was a single mom, I’d feel pretty defensive too. I know plenty of single parents, and they are a diverse group of people; yet broad sweeping statements are being made about a significant population of women. This is no different than broad sweeping statements made about ethnic groups or sexual minorities or democrats and republicans. It’s prejudicial. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>“I can’t believe someone would do that to a server. Some of them only make like $2 an hour and depend on their tips to survive!”</b> I find these type of statements the most interesting. I understand that in the U.S., minimum wage for wait staff is sometimes calculated with tips included, so that servers really are dependent on tipping in order to survive. What I don’t understand is, why are people so outraged over a single incident of an alleged single mother not tipping, but not outraged at the ridiculously low wages people are being paid in the service industry?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">There is something deeply disturbing to me about the collective response to this meme. Whether this receipt is authentic or not, it seems to have unleashed a torrent of judgments and attacks on single mothers that extend far beyond this particular individual. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We live in a world where men still make more money than women doing the same jobs; where gendered violence continue to affect the lives of a great number of girls and women; and where we continue to have to fight for basic human rights for all. Yet it seems to me that people are much more willing to be outraged by a receipt, which may or may not be real, and may or may not have been left by an actual single mom. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Can we just shut the fuck up about this already, and start giving a shit about real issues?</span></div>
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Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-8566036038358181982012-07-20T12:37:00.003-07:002012-07-20T12:37:39.127-07:00Who's responsible for your social media? YOU. JUST YOU.I've seen some insensitive/distasteful/whatever bullshit on Twitter before, but today, social media idiocy left me nauseous to a whole new level.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHlOzPmS7HuTI8ad62rD6d2bkgORoV7exzEoqY2qObfHESL8F6Dhk_Q-_DChuwYuSAuga-OTOausHqJLE7_5IDOsdaQ9Qj-KhR8fzXH3_3chzC7VnbeKS-ZVLo1B3YbZtHPKYBr-BcFFrt/s1600/photo.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHlOzPmS7HuTI8ad62rD6d2bkgORoV7exzEoqY2qObfHESL8F6Dhk_Q-_DChuwYuSAuga-OTOausHqJLE7_5IDOsdaQ9Qj-KhR8fzXH3_3chzC7VnbeKS-ZVLo1B3YbZtHPKYBr-BcFFrt/s320/photo.PNG" width="213" /></a></div>
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What. The. Hell.<br />
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(In case you don't know, the #Aurora tag was trending because of the Colorado movie theatre shootings that have so far left 12 dead and dozens injured.)<br />
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It would appear that they've since deleted the tweet (it doesn't appear on their feed, but because so many people responded in disgust to it, it's visible when you look at the replies).<br />
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They claim that it was an honest mistake, via the following (I've rewritten it as one paragraph as it was tweeted in chunks):<br />
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"We are incredibly sorry for our tweet about Aurora - Our PR is NOT US based and had not checked the reason for the trend, at that time our social media was totally UNAWARE of the situation and simply thought it was another trending topic - we have removed the very insensitive tweet and will of course take more care in future to look into what we say in our tweets. Again we do apologize for any offence caused this was not intentional & will not occur again. Our most sincere apologies for both the tweet and the situation. - CB"<br />
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So now what?<br />
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As a communications professional, I found this incredibly frustrating, as it illustrates the problem with how many organizations manage social media content. Obviously, this online retailer wanted to have a Twitter presence; yet, whomever they hired to manage their PR couldn't even be bothered to check the context within which #Aurora was trending. THERE IS NO REASONABLE EXCUSE FOR THIS. The apology implies that the problem is that the PR firm is not US-based, but uh, it's not like it wasn't immediately obvious to me (in Canada) from one glance at the content that had the #Aurora hashtag was about something a retailer should not be piggybacking on to sell a fucking dress.<br />
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We are responsible for what we say; and if we decide to hire someone to do it for us, WE ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE. Yes, this was a "mistake", but it was an AVOIDABLE mistake, because any communications professional who dares call themselves that should have done their due diligence and taken the 10 seconds it would have took to check what #Aurora was referring to.<br />
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Should the company be forgiven? It's obviously not the type of retailer I would shop from, but if I did, I would stop. Apology or no, what happened tells me that they only want to engage on social media to sell shit, and couldn't even be bothered to do so in a genuine way. The company and their chosen representatives got caught (in the most offensive of ways) trying to SELL SHIT IN THE AFTERMATH OF A MASS KILLING. May their (I hope) quick demise teach companies, organizations, and individuals that there are real consequences for callous and inexcusable negligence.<br />
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/end rant <br />
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<br />Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-36953175325751057372012-06-18T10:58:00.000-07:002012-06-18T10:59:02.946-07:00"50 Shades" Trilogy: A Symptom of How Fucked Up Our Culture Is About Relationships<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">(Warning: language may offend some, and there is an extended fecal analogy. If you love the 50 Shades books, this will likely make you uncomfortable. I ask that you read this piece anyways, in the hopes that it will get you to think about why you've embraced the story. I get that people may get pissed at me; however, I'm willing to risk it to provoke some critical thinking.)</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">So many people seem so excited about these books. “It’s so hot! I can’t put it down!” was the general sentiment. Given that I really like smut, I thought I’d give it a try, wanting some good old escapist fiction, preferably with a lot of fucking. I will confess, I’ve read romance and erotica novels before, but just for the sex scenes, which I find by skimming for euphemisms for penis. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The first book was... tolerable. At least, it was when I started it. But by the time I was halfway through the third book, it had retroactively become awful. Sort of like how the memory of a mediocre appetizer gets tainted because you find a zombie cockroach fellating a dead rat in your dessert. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">What. The. Fuck.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I am grossly embarrassed for straight women and AS a straight woman, because we’re obviously the target demographic. I am also heartbroken, because the success of this book tells me how absolutely starved for sensual material we are that there would be enough of us to make this pathetic turd of a trilogy a commercial success.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The writing sucks. I’ve marked first-year undergraduate introductory psychology papers that I suspect may have been written while drunk and high that had a better grasp of the English language. I am pretty sure I have sent and received texts written on the toilet that stank significantly less in terms of mastery of language. While we’re on that analogy, I’d say I’ve shit out turds that stank less than these books. In fact, I think it is actually possible that I have shit out turds that could write better prose. Anyways, I could go on (forever) about how bad the writing is, but plenty of other people have done this already. Just google “horrible writing” and “50 shades” if you want to read more on that.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">As I mentioned before, I am not beyond able to enjoy the occasional romance or chick lit novel. Campy sex scenes can be both hilarious and titillating (and really, who doesn’t like laughing and being wet in the crotch at the same time)? Unfortunately, the sex scenes (and there are plenty of them, since the two main characters repress all of their relationship problems by fucking instead of having actual conversations to resolve their issues) are incredibly cliched (even for erotica standards). Again, others have stated in better words than I possess the problem here; my favorite is an Amazon.ca review with the heading “How can this much sex be so boring?” by user: readthebook. Instead of spending most of my attention on the sex scenes, by middle of book two I started skipping them, because they were all the same anyways. Poorly written rape/coercion/reluctance fantasies are not my thing. (For the record, I am certainly not a prude about these things, and spent a year in graduate school interviewing women about their rape fantasies and what their narratives tell us about our culture.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The plot was ridiculous, even for the genre. I get the sense that I’m right in the middle of the demographic for the intended target audience (straight, middle-class, early 30’s), but if someone told me that even 10% of what happened in this book happened to them I’d call emergency mental health services and see if I could have them placed on a 72 hour hold. What happens to the main character is about as likely to happen to any reader as they are likely to become the Captain of the Starship Enterprise and have a three way with Spock and Bones. I laughed out loud so many times my partner probably thought about calling emergency mental health services himself. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Then there’s the barrage of bullshit that rained down on my feminist self. Repeatedly the protagonist is manipulated by her “lover” when it comes to birth control. If a man told me to get on the pill or start getting the shot because he doesn’t like the feel of condoms, I’d take one and pull it over his head and dump his controlling ass. It gets even more offensive at the end of the third book when he says something along the lines of “next time, we’re having a scheduled elective C-section” because he was “so stressed out” by the birth of their first child. As a Doula and a feminist and a human being who recognizes where I end and where my partner begins, THIS IS NOT OKAY. Holy shit. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">At this point in my rant, as my friend pointed out the other day, I’m usually breaking out in my Hulk-angry-sweat. The sad part is, I’m not done yet.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">This is not a love story. This is a biography of an abusive relationship, complete with emotional, physical, reproductive, and sexual abuse. The fact that it can be successfully sold as a love story breaks my heart. I know that for a lot of people, the definitions of what constitutes abuse is fuzzy; we’re inundated with stereotypes about who abusers are and there is huge amounts of blame placed on victims. This book reinforces society’s acceptance of abuse as excusable; that if there is love abuse is not possible, that only through and through “bad guys” perpetuate abuse on other people. THIS IS NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS. How many times have we read in the paper or seen on the news the neighbour or coworker say, “he seemed so nice, I didn’t think he was capable of it” after something horrific has happened? I’ve been involved in the field of violence against women long enough to know that this is nearly almost ALWAYS the case. One of the reasons there is so much relationship violence is precisely because we never think it’s the guy next door who’s beating up his partner. The fact is, they are almost always next door to someone who doesn’t think they’re “capable”. The reality is that most relationship abuse goes unreported; the person being abused has been systematically desensitized to the violence they experience; and many end up in a place where they believe to stay is what it means to love and that whatever happens to them is what they deserve. Those of us who dream of a world without violence perpetuated by people who are supposed to care about our wellbeing are constantly battling against the media’s portrayal of unhealthy relationships as romantic and desirable; this trilogy is a weapon for abusers because it tells a story of violence and sells it as a story of love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I hesitated when writing this because I know a lot of people who have apparently read and enjoyed the books. But then I realized that this is no different than when I call someone out on their use of racist or homophobic language; it just seems more difficult because 50 Shades is so popular. Well, it wasn’t okay for people to call each other “faggot” even when lots of people did it; so I will not shy away from calling out the misogyny that permeates these books even if it means some of my friends will take offense. There was a time when I would have bought into the “romance” of relationship abuse, but as a writer, a feminist, as a woman who worries for future generations and the status of women today, I cannot in good conscience not say SOMETHING. So here it is. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-80445953151316825612012-04-27T13:19:00.004-07:002012-04-27T13:20:05.625-07:00Rank Ordering of Hate in Hockey: Racism > Homophobia > SexismI thought it was awesome that the Boston Bruins organization issued a <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/sports/hockey/nhl/story/2012/04/26/sp-bruins-apology.html" target="_blank">statement</a> condemning the racist tweets by Boston fans directed towards Joel Ward of the Washington Capitals.<br />
<br />
I was just saying to someone the other day how I thought one way to reduce the homophobic tweeting by ignorant hockey fans would be for an NHL superstar (or two or three, or perhaps a whole frickin' team) to step up and say, "Hey fans! We love that you're enthusiastic about our team, and sure, trash talking and chirping can be a lot of fun... but lay off the homophobic language. That's hateful and there's no place for that in hockey." I ranted about those tweets in a <a href="http://scantililyclad.blogspot.ca/2012/04/how-la-vs-vancouver-playoff-series-is.html" target="_blank">prior post</a>, along with mentions of racism and misogyny. I wasn't surprised though, that nobody made an official statement about it.<br />
<br />
Why are some forms of hate worthy of speaking out against by the NHL, and others not?<br />
<br />
It's because we rank-order the seriousness of hate.<br />
<br />
Racism is not okay. There seems to be significant consensus about this. In a LOT of places, if you throw out a racial slur in public, chances are good that people will speak up against it. Or at least send you enough dirty looks to make you think twice about doing it again.<br />
<br />
But homophobia? "That's so gay." I hear this all the time. When I used to teach high school kids about sexual harassment and bullying, this was one of the toughest lessons. Labeling that phrase as homophobic gets many kids, and sometimes a few teachers, getting defensive and say things like, "but I don't mean it THAT way. I have gay friends/family/whatever!"<br />
<br />
I always countered this with "If someone thought something was bad, and instead of saying 'that's so gay', they said 'that's so Chinese', would that be racist?" (I chose this particular example because I am Chinese-Canadian). Unanimously, the group would respond, "yes". Then I would ask, "so how is this different than saying 'that's so gay'?" Nobody really has a counter argument to that.<br />
<br />
That example works because we have less tolerance for racism than for homophobia. This gets even worse with sexism, especially the more subtle kind.<br />
<br />
I absolutely despise the whole "Sedin Sisters" thing. Some people argue that it's harmless, but you know what I hear when people speak derogatorily of the Sedins by calling them sister? It implies that sisters are somehow less desirable than brothers. It's an insult to my whole gender.<br />
<br />
I can never decide, when an organization speaks out about one kind of hate but not another, whether I should be happy that they are speaking out at all, or if I should be annoyed that they aren't speaking out about the other forms. One could argue that, in the case of Joel Ward, there was a specific person that was being targeted; and that it was the right thing for organizations to speak up about it. Yet, given the statistics, it is impossible that there are no gay players at the NHL level.<br />
<br />
There's a lot of discussion about when and if someone currently playing in the NHL will ever come out. Who can blame them for not doing so, given that so much homophobic attacks continue unchecked?<br />
<br />
As for sexist bullshit, I fear that the likelihood of someone speaking out against that to be even lower, since there are no women in the NHL. I feel for the many girls and young women I know involved with hockey, to know that not only are there many logistical barriers that limit their participation, but so many social barriers as well; social barriers that nobody is doing anything about.<br />
<br />
I feel as though I've been obsessed with the sociopolitical side of hockey recently, but for me, these situations are not separable from the actual game. Don't get me wrong, I'm all riled up for playoff hockey (and my team isn't even in it!), but I know it'd be more enjoyable if it wasn't tainted by all of this hate. Yes, I realize the futility of my optimism, but given the positive response of NHL players to the You Can Play Project, I still continue to hope that those involved with hockey, whether they are fans, players, teams, or the entire league, can speak up and DO SOMETHING about this. I am nobody, and I don't expect to instigate change; but there are many in positions of power, who by speaking a few words, whether in an interview, on Twitter, or on Facebook, can ask more from others and perhaps reduce the hateful behaviour. Hockey isn't the world, but wouldn't it be a great example if the hockey world came together to do something about this? Perhaps it would be something the rest of the world could learn from.Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-40218579921535131682012-04-26T17:18:00.001-07:002012-04-26T17:25:20.433-07:00Hockey Fan Hate on Twitter Drinking Game!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I can't cope anymore. It just never ends. The shit people say on Twitter during, after, and in-between hockey games (I guess that means ALL THE TIME) is terrible. I wrote about the homophobia thing in a relatively thoughtful and lengthy <a href="http://scantililyclad.blogspot.ca/2012/04/how-la-vs-vancouver-playoff-series-is.html" target="_blank">blog post</a> earlier this month, but I'm just so incredibly jaded by the ongoing abuse online. It's time to resort to alcoholism. So I wrote this drinking game to help us all cope with the hate.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">All players pick a team (or for the epic version, just drink for every category): homophobia, misogyny, and racism.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now open up Twitter, use whatever relevant hashtag is appropriate to access the latest Twitter conversation about a particular hockey game or series, and follow the instructions below:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For those on the homophobia team, take a drink for every tweet containing:</span></b><br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"fag" or "faggot"</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"homo" when not referring to whole milk in Canada</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">references to one player fucking another or being fucked in the ass</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">accusations of "gayness" ("You're so gay", "that's fucking gay", etc etc.)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">any other homophobic bullshit</span></li>
</ul>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For those on the misogyny team, take a drink for every tweet containing:</span></b></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the use of "pussy" when not referring to a cat</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">insulting references to somebody's mom: ("motherfucker" or "mofo", etc etc.)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">references implying women are weaker than men ("XX plays like a girl", "The Sedin Sisters", etc etc.)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">references to rape ("I'm going to bend XX's wife over a table...", "XX is going to fuck XX's wife", etc etc.)</span></li>
</ul>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For those on the racism team: take a drink for every tweet containing:</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">a racial slur</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">statements about foreign players and insults to their native country</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">references to "your people" or "those people"</span></li>
</ul>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Regardless of team, drink for every tweet containing:</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">a death threat</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">a threat to personal safety</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">a threat to destroying another city/country</span></li>
</ul>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Seriously, if I had started doing this at the beginning of the playoffs, I'd be dead by now from alcohol poisoning. Yes, this "drinking game" is meant to be funny; but the fact is, the language people use is exceptionally hateful and each and every tweet spouting hate makes the world we live in that much more toxic. Again, I love trash talking with other hockey fans: but there is absolutely no reason it has to include language like this. Intelligent people can chirp without resorting to hate. </span></div>
</div>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-84381239930983786632012-04-20T21:34:00.003-07:002012-04-20T21:45:58.579-07:00How One Misogynist Tweet Restored My Faith In Humanity<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"Fleury sucks, right? Fuck your mothers."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I saw this from one of my new Twitter connections; one that was made during the traffic from my last post on <a href="http://scantililyclad.blogspot.ca/2012/04/how-la-vs-vancouver-playoff-series-is.html" target="_blank">homophobic tweets by hockey fans</a>. So I was a little startled. It didn't make sense; someone that bothered to make a connection after reading my piece about homophobia threw out an obviously misogynist hockey tweet? Huh?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I waffled for a few minutes as to whether I should say something. I decided to respond. (More about this shortly.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"Dude... isn't a comment like that rather misogynist?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I braced myself for defensiveness, possibly with a side of name-calling. Or maybe the classic "don't you have anything better to worry about?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Instead, I got an admission that he was aware he fucked up, and a thank you for calling him out on it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This made me insanely happy. I was bordering on giddy. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Sounds strange, right? I mean, I shouldn't be happy that this happened at all.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Let's go back to my waffling. It seems strange (even to me) that a few days ago I could go on a long rant about homophobic comments on Twitter (which ~1,700 people read), and then hesitate to call out one person on one comment. But the thing is, this felt more threatening. As soon as I responded, I psychologically braced myself for a reply that was abusive and/or threatening. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I don't think I'm alone in feeling like it is dangerous, if not physically, then at least emotionally and psychologically, to call people out on bad behaviour. Partly because it happens so darn much, and I think a lot of us have been socialized to focus on the negative feedback we get from people, and give it much more weight than the positive. The feedback I've received from the blog about homophobic tweets have been overwhelmingly positive; yet its the few negative responses I've received that I've spent a disproportional amount of time being bothered by. (When I think about it rationally, those criticisms don't make a lot of sense, and indicate that the readers missed the whole damn point anyways... so why should I care? Yet I do.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There gets to a point when one's engagement with social justice makes it impossible to turn another part of yourself off. There was a time when I could stand up against a homophobic comment but still stay silent when a sexist one was thrown out there. Or fight for gender equality while at the same time using fatphobic language. But when you engage with these issues, eventually you figure out that they're all interrelated; that to participate in one form of hate holds you back from fighting against another. It's like the red pill of social activism kicks in, and you can never go back to living in ignorance. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The problem is, there's no way to tell who's there already. So when I called this person out, I was bracing for the worst: that even though he was someone who'd take a stand against homophobia, he could still buy into many other forms of hate.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The best part about this story though: is he didn't. He got it. He didn't even need for me to tell him he fucked up. He knew before I responded; he admitted it out loud (er, out Twitter?), and in public (uh, Twitter public). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And as a result, I feel safer to call out bad behaviour in the future. Certainly, there will be those who respond abusively; but this set a precedence that gives me hope. Sometimes, when you call someone out on something, it can actually show you that there's hope for change. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ironically, I'm pretty sure that even as I type these words, he's beating himself up over his comment. Before he signed off for the night, he said that he hated how this one horrible thing he said defined him tonight. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dude. That's not true. Yes, there was that one nasty tweet. But then there were the dozen that followed where you owned up to it, tried to make sense of what happened (without making excuses), and demonstrated, by example, to everyone who follows you on Twitter that even nice people say nasty shit, but the difference between the good and the bad is that you admitted you should have known better, and accepted full responsibility. To me, it was the follow-up statements that defined who you were tonight.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So to you, and to all those in the Twitterverse who shared my blog, thank you. You've restored my faith that my words have power; that it is worth it to put my thoughts out there, and that there are other similarly-minded people. That speaking out, while sometimes may result in shit and abuse, can also result in connecting with a community of people who share my frustration about the state of the world, and that makes me feel less alone. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">May we all be more forgiving of ourselves when we fuck up.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And may we all feel safer to speak up against all that's wrong in the world.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Good night. It's time to eat ice cream. :)</span>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-84502290286375969092012-04-14T08:14:00.000-07:002012-04-27T13:24:21.084-07:00How the LA vs. Vancouver Playoff Series is Breaking My Heart<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Last year I cheered on the Canucks, all the way to Game 7 of the 2011 Stanley Cup Final. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">This year I haven't quite chosen my allegiances, so I've simply been watching Round 1 with neutral interest in the game. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">But something happened yesterday in the LA vs. Vancouver series that broke my heart.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">After beating Vancouver in Game 1 on April 11, @LAKings tweeted: </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">"To everyone in Canada outside of BC, you're welcome." </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I laughed out loud when I saw it. That got @LAKings a follow from me, and perhaps tilted me slightly towards cheering for them in this first round. I mean, cheeky use of social media AND an 8th place underdog hoping to upset the President's Trophy winner? Sounds like fun! I'm relatively new to loving hockey, but one part I've enjoyed immensely is the chirping. (I'm an Oilers fan, so I'm used to having trash talked at me, since we're not exactly performing at elite levels these last couple of years). There are some teams that people just love to hate; in Canada that's typically Toronto, and that's reflected in the chirping. Every time Oilers played the Leafs this year, there were several people with whom trash talk was exchanged for the entire 60 minutes of play. With the Leafs out of the playoffs (no surprise there... stealth chirp! Ahaha!), Vancouver has taken the place of the "Canadian team we love to hate". All in good fun, or so I thought. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I had heard on the radio and on all the sports shows that the Kings' tweet really pissed off a lot of Canucks fans, but I didn't read any of the specific tweet retorts. Then after Game 2 last night, @LAKings tweeted: </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">"We apologize to anyone this tweet offends: #LAKings lead series 2-0." </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Again, from my perspective, hilarious. Certainly, I can understand it would be upsetting that the Canucks lost two in a row at home, but I always thought hockey upset was different than... real upset. Of course it sucks to have your team lose. But there are bigger problems in the world to worry about. Like racism, sexism, and homophobia.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Which brings me to the responses I found really upsetting:</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">"STFU U Faggot!! Its A 7 Game Series U BITCH!! PUSSY"</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #2200a7; letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">"<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/LAKings">@LAKings</a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> you guys are fucking retarded! Doughty an brown should have got the gate too. Kings lick balls! Eat a dick!!"</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #2200a7; letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">"<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/LAKings">@LAKings</a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> FUCK YOU , YOU HOMO SON OF A BITCH"</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #2200a7; letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">"<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/LAKings">@LAKings</a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> YOUUU FUCKEN CUNTSSSS go suck a dickk"</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #2200a7; letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">"<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/search/%23LAKings">#LAKings</a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333233;"> fuck you! Team consists of faggots, burn in hell.</span> <span style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal 'Helvetica Neue'; letter-spacing: 0px;">#Canucks</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333233;">will be back to crush all of you"</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">"Hey fag how much LAking dick you gonna suck in this series. You pathetic piece of shit. Your sister is a whore"</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">And the list goes on and on and on. @LOLVancouver RT's many of these if you'd like to see more. I found these exceptionally disturbing as to their hateful content. (They were also disturbing in terms of poorly constructed sentences and terrible grammar, but that's for a whole other rant). </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I can understand being upset, after the team you love loses two at home, and the other team's poking fun at you. I can accept that some people have the urge to tell LA to "fuck off" or "shut up". But why do people have to resort to a huge amount of homophobic slurs and sexist comments? </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">How do you think it feels for someone who is gay to see these responses, as homophobic slurs were the most common? So much hate being communicated. I can relate a bit to the gendered slurs ("cunt" & "whore"), but having worked in violence against women, I've grown a pretty tough skin (but then, tough skin or not, why should we have to put up with abusive language directed towards anybody?). Do the people who tweeted these actually hate women, gays, and the developmentally delayed ("fucking retarded")? I hope not. But then... why would they use words this way?</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I know, I know, some will claim the "free speech" defence. Someone always does. But free speech doesn't mean we're not RESPONSIBLE for the things we say, and their potential impact on people. I am "free" to tell my mom I hate her and wish she was dead (for the record, I'm using that as an EXAMPLE, I don't actually think that about her), but I'm not going to because that's really, really hurtful. In fact, when free speech is available, I believe it is the speaker's responsibility to choose wisely. You know, the whole Spiderman "with great power comes great responsibility" bit.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">As Canadians, I believe part of our national identity is that we are, on average, supposed to be "nice people". There's nothing nice about what's going on here. As a Canadian, as a hockey fan, as a human being that believes the world has enough hate floating around already: this is unacceptable, and inexcusable. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I also think that this does hockey a huge disfavour: with the recent <a href="http://www.youcanplayproject.org/" target="_blank">"You Can Play" project</a>, elite hockey players are speaking up against homophobia. There is a lot of talk about how it's troubling that in this day and age, there are still no openly gay NHL players. I can't even imagine what reading these comments would be like to a player who isn't "out", regardless of what team they're on (statistically speaking, if the NHL remotely reflect the general population, there's probably on average one or two gay players on EVERY team's roster). </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Before some of you resort to the "but when I call someone a faggot, it's just words I'm used to using, it has nothing to do with gays" or "but my friend/brother/sister/whatever is gay and they know I love them", please think about why the gay community (or any other group who has to put up with abusive language that's commonly used in society) should have to put up with your limited vocabulary. There are lots of other insults you can throw around, insults that doesn't come with the baggage of years of marginalization and persecution. You can be funny or angry or lash out at a hockey twitter account without resorting to any of that. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Let's turn up the hockey cheering, and turn down the hate, yeah?</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Note: Much thanks to George Laraque, Matt Moulson, You Can Play Team, Patrick Burke, Aishah Simmons, Not Another Hockey Blog, Puckdaddys, and many, many, MANY more who shared this blog.
</span></div>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-15177433617369822122012-04-04T21:12:00.001-07:002012-04-04T21:19:16.988-07:00A hopeful lefty: An oxymoron in Alberta?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This morning I woke up to no fewer than six different people having posted on FB lamenting about a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/wildrose-poised-for-majority-in-alberta-poll/article2391311/">poll showing a lead for the Wildrose</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">From the article: "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">The poll was conducted Monday and Tuesday through an online panel of 1,050 respondents and shows the right-wing Wildrose at 43 per cent of decided voters, the PCs at 30, the New Democrats at 12 and the Liberals at 11 per cent province-wide. Of those sampled, 19 per cent were undecided."</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Unless we can now force people to participate in online surveys, how is this remotely a random sample? In a first-past-the-post electoral system, and a poll of that sample size, this tells us almost nothing about the strength of individual campaigns. I've become generally bored of the endless stream of "polls" indicating this or that. From my perspective, they seem to serve no purpose other than fear-mongering (well, for those of us on the left, anyways; on the right the impact is more a call-to-action). This is problematic for me, as an NDPer, as the reaction of like-minded individuals seems to be hopelessness and despair, while at the same time it galvanizes the right (the PCs react to these polls with "oh my god, we have to do something to fix it" and the WR gains momentum). </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Perhaps I'm just weird, but I actually have more hope now than ever. There's vote-splitting on the right! Votes for the WR are certainly not being drawn from core NDP support; when I see a WR sign, I see that as a "not PC" sign. In some ridings, growing WR support may well contribute to an NDP victory. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;">Now that I've brought up vote-splitting, strategic voting also needs to be addressed. I must confess: I used to be a believer. I used to think that a vote that didn't result in a winner was a wasted vote. But I don't believe that anymore, both logically and morally, because strategic voting is a compromise that pushes me to the right. Liberals in Alberta are, in my opinion, already further to the right than elsewhere in Canada, in part because they want to appeal to more voters. In the current election, they are led by someone who was elected as a PC! The NDP and Liberals in Alberta are NOT the same thing. Not remotely close. Certainly not close enough to justify "strategic" voting.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Is a vote for a candidate that doesn't win really "wasted"? On the surface it seems that way. But I think that each vote still carries weight, because the margin of victory and HOW the vote is split matters in terms of how a representative must respond to their constituents. Lets say a PC candidate is elected with 40% of the vote. I would think he'd have to work with his constituents in a different way in a scenario where 35% of the vote went to the Liberals and 15% went to the NDPer, versus if 35% of the vote when to the NDPer and 15% to the Liberal. I would go as far as to argue that the latter scenario forces the representative to accommodate more "lefty" concerns. By voting according to your personal political beliefs, even if your candidate does not win, your vote still has impact on how a riding is represented. It also indicates to the rest of the world that you will not compromise on your values.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Another problem with strategic voting is that it assumes that the quality of candidates are equal in terms of their suitability to represent people, and completely dismisses the fact that individual candidates need to EARN votes, regardless of party. I was recently involved in a conversation about Edmonton Mill Woods. Someone asserted that "the only choice if you want a non-PC MLA is the Liberal". (</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;">Full disclosure: I am working on the Edmonton Mill Woods NDP campaign for Sandra Azocar. But this blog and these views are my own.)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> Given that Weslyn Mather had already had a chance as an MLA for Mill Woods, and lost her seat to Carl Benito (and we all know how well he turned out), why on earth would anyone think she is well-suited now to represent the riding? In <a href="http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/alberta-politics/6404200/story.html">this article</a>, Mather points the finger at her own supporters for her failure to hang on to the seat in 2008: "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She blames her 2008 loss on supporters not bothering to vote." I'm sorry she lost her seat by a slim margin, but I think she needs to be taking responsibility for failing to get the vote out on election day. Each vote must be earned; to blame "supporters" for not voting epitomizes the stereotypes of politicians taking those they serve for granted. People don't vote because candidates don't give them good enough reasons to do so. I am really, really sick of the whole "let's blame it on the voters" excuse. Low voter turnouts are a systematic problem; a symptom of the broken political landscape, and "people not caring enough to vote" is a failure of all the parties to provide people a compelling enough reason to go to the polls. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Someone recently joked (or at least, I hope it was a joke) that perhaps to keep the Wildrose out, a "strategic vote" may be one for the PCs. It's clear to me that this would be compromising ourselves into something unrecognizable. As progressive Albertan's we've compromised too far, and for too long. Come election day, I hope that each of us votes consistently with our values, because without those values, all hope really would be lost. </span></span>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-87145534982598025972012-02-21T23:26:00.000-08:002012-02-21T23:26:45.822-08:00Quinoa Mushroom Risotto<div>I don't usually buy into food fads or whatever, but I had heard enough about quinoa to think it might be worthwhile to give it a try. Before this I had only eaten it in a salad, which was good, but nothing to get excited about. But then I heard that you can use it as a rice substitute... and that opened a whole bunch of doors... Note: I ramble a bit, but it's a good reflection of what I actually do in the kitchen...</div><div><br />
</div>This will serve four people... recipe is as I made it (I don't really measure anything when cooking, so consider all this approximations); below the recipe are suggestions for variations. <div><br />
</div><div>This will be easiest in a large non-stick skillet.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>3 cups cooked quinoa (I was super happy to discover that you can cook quinoa in the rice cooker; 2 parts water to each part grain. I cooked mine in chicken broth I had handy, but you can pretty much cook it in whatever).<br />
<div><br />
</div></div><div>2 cups raw sliced mushrooms (I used mini portas, but you can use whatever mix of mushroom you like. I think this would taste fabulous with lobster mushrooms...)</div><div><br />
</div><div>1/2 cup diced onion (I prefer sweet, but it's onion, doesn't matter that much)</div><div><br />
</div><div>4-infinite cloves garlic, chopped (I like my garlicky, but others may not. Personally, I don't believe there is such a thing as too much garlic.)</div><div><br />
</div><div>1/2 of a small tub of cream cheese (I used Philly Lite).</div><div><br />
</div><div>1/4-1/2 cup milk or cream (depends how saucy you like your risotto)</div><div><br />
</div><div>Blob of butter for sautéing. Use olive oil if you want it to be a smidgen healthier.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Heat skillet on medium-high. Throw on butter or oil. Once heated through, throw in onion. I like my onions just short of burnt, so I cook them a while before adding mushrooms. Continue cooking until mushrooms are to desired doneness (my mushroom desires vary depending on the varieties of mushrooms involved). Add chopped garlic. I like my garlic potent, so I only stir it around for 30 seconds before continuing; however, if you like your garlic flavour milder (it sweetens as it cooks, but loses it punch), add it earlier/cook it longer. Dump in the quinoa; heat through. Turn down to low heat. Throw in cheese; add milk/cream as needed to prevent cheese burn. Mix it all around. Salt and pepper to taste. If it's not cheesy/saucy enough, add more cream cheese/milk/cream. </div><div><br />
</div><div>This is how I made it for a late quick dinner (I already had cooked quinoa handy).</div><div><br />
</div><div>Suggested variations:</div><div><br />
</div><div>You can of course, throw in all kinds of other vegetables and meat. Spinach would be tasty, or maybe small chopped bits of cauliflower/broccoli. I was tempted to throw in some chicken, but then got lazy. Shrimp would be tasty; but for god's sake, don't overcook shrimp, everyone in Alberta seems to overcook shrimp (except for Olga). </div><div><br />
</div><div>At the onions/mushrooms sautéing stage, you can toss it a few dribbles of balsamic vinegar and let that reduce. I also sometimes throw in a few squirts of Worcestershire sauce. If you want a show, you can throw on some wine or vodka and flambé it at this point too.</div><div><br />
</div><div>A spoonful of curry powder with the cheese adding would turn this into a fusion dish. You can also get creative by adding whatever herbs/spices you find in the cabinet (I would normally do this, but it was late and I was lazy). Parmesan seems like a reasonable addition, but I find it often overpowers; it would make it all clumpier so you may have to compensate with more liquids.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Anyways, I've rambled on enough; I don't think you can really get this wrong... throw stuff in a pan, cook until tasty :)</div><div><br />
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</div></div>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-49939863505026151202012-01-02T22:56:00.000-08:002012-01-02T22:56:53.156-08:00Departure depressionI love going places, but I hate the leaving. This is true even of home, mostly because of the dog. This post is about leaving my other home; my original home.<br />
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Leaving Hong Kong is different than leaving any other place. Perhaps its because it was the first place I really knew; my original home. My uncle Hay, his wife, and little girl live in the apartment I was brought home to from the hospital. The hotel I stay at when I'm in town is just down the street from that building. The smell of the MTR (HK's subway) is my exemplar for what underground transit is supposed to smell like. The most common flavours of ice cream here are (in addition to vanilla), mango and coconut (which is what I wish was the case everywhere).<br />
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Something in me changes when I'm in this city. I walk faster. My tolerance for shopping increases (though is still low, compared to my shopper friends). I'm impatient with tourists behaving dumbly as pedestrians (another post about this is in the works). For a brief time, I live an approximation of the life I would have had if we had not immigrated to Canada.<br />
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I don't think I would enjoy living here for any prolonged period of time, but I always get departure depression. It's probably because I really adore dad's side of the family; even at age 32, all my uncles and aunts (and even many of my younger cousins) spoil me to pieces. My desires become the primary decision-making influence when it comes to meals (and my family really loves eating).<br />
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It may well be easier if I ever had the opportunity to see even a few of these people over the rest of the year (Cecelia, Stanley, Doris: COME VISIT ME ALREADY!!!! Yes, I'm calling you out publicly!!!!), but no one from my dad's family has come visiting since 2002 when my dad was in Edmonton for my wedding. Admittedly, when I'm actually in Edmonton I don't think about my HK family that much; but when I'm about to leave town and not see them again for at least a year, it's hard not to be a big ball of teary mush about it.<br />
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The thing is, there's nothing that can be done (other than try to guilt-trip people into coming to see me). I have a life in Edmonton, one that I enjoy and is full of friends I love, not to mention 1.5 dogs who I miss the second I leave the city.<br />
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So there is nothing to be done, other than to accept that a little piece of myself will always and forever be tied to this place. The mini-heartbreak of coming and going will simply be a part of my life experience on a regular basis. Unless we develop transporter technology.Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-26605724513442129502012-01-01T05:07:00.000-08:002012-01-01T05:07:37.209-08:00New Year's resolutions: a totally self-indulgent postNew Years resolutions feel often like a procrastinator's desperate attempt to appear non-procrastinaty once a year.<br />
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Well, I'm pretty darn good at procrastinating, so perhaps an annual ritual of pretending not to be such a person might actually be a good thing. Besides, perhaps thinking a bit about what I might want to do over the upcoming year is good exercise given the year of changes 2011 unexpectedly turned out to be...<br />
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Back in September, I turned 32. According to this random <a href="http://www.canadianbusiness.com/tools/21287">life expectancy calculator Google found me,</a> I can expect to live until I am 85 (longer if I get my butt off the couch more frequently, by far my biggest health issue is that I am not active enough). So lets just assume I have 53 years left to go, give or take.<br />
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That's a lot of time. But I've also lived a lot of years (my apologies to those who have been around longer, this isn't meant to be a slight), and on this first day of 2012, I find myself without a job, and much more significantly, without a clear sense of what meaning I want to bring to my existence on this planet in terms of how I might contribute professionally.<br />
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So, a few days ago, I decided that given that I have the means and a safety net, it's time to stop seeking traditional employment. I'm kinda sick of being told "you're great, but we don't want to hire you". I am confident enough in my abilities (thanks to the lovely reassurances of friends, this must be acknowledged), that I would have decent odds of being successful being self-employed. So with my lovely father's support, I have decided I will go get a realtor's license.<br />
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I struggle a little with the idea of reinventing myself professionally in a field that isn't exactly known for its activism and social justice contributions. That said, I know that for me, money does buy a significant degree of happiness (mostly in terms of my desire to convert financial resources into food-related experiences). As many writers of books on happiness point out, sure, money certainly does not guarantee happiness, however, it does make its achievement significantly more likely. Also, my involvement with activism and working in non-profit has left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth (and apparently, on shitloads of email lists that I don't want to be on), so I am okay with selling out. I'll worry about fixing the world once I've got my own life in order. I think I'd be pretty darn good at real estate, and I love the idea of a successful day being that I helped find someone a space to make a home.<br />
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<b>Resolution #1: Get a real estate license. </b><br />
Commitment: aiming for license in six months.<br />
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Speaking of homes, mine is a disaster. Some advice: if you ever split with your partner, you may want to think about the advantages of being the one that moves out; the most significant one being that when you're the one leaving, you simply take what you actually want and leave the rest. When you're the one that keeps the space, you also end up with all the stuff that NEITHER of you wanted. I need to purge, purge, purge. So, when I'm back in the country, I will be starting a weekly online garage sale/giveaway.<br />
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<b>Resolution #2: Reduce materialistic burden by not owning so much crap. </b><br />
Commitment: weekly purging of at least 3 items (and I will try not to cheat by getting rid of three tiny things just to make my quota).<br />
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<b>Resolution #2a: When something comes in to my possession, something must go out. </b><br />
Commitment: treat the ownership of material things like eating and pooping.<br />
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I love books, and I love reading. This one will be easy, as its something I suspect I do at this approximate scale anyways:<br />
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<b>Resolution #3: Read every day; finish a book a week. </b><br />
Commitment: post reviews, share with others.<br />
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And as always, attempt to write more: <br />
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<b>Resolution #4: Blog twice a week; attempt to write daily (blog or otherwise). </b><br />
Commitment: actually post shit on my blog twice a week. <br />
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Taking care of myself: needs improvement.<br />
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<b>Resolution #5: Increase activity level over time. This is deliberate vague yet unidirectional to encourage actually being able to accomplish such a thing. </b><br />
Commitment: do shit that will make me die later rather than sooner.<br />
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Related to taking care of myself:<br />
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<b>Resolution #6: Care less. Seriously. Especially about people and things who, in the end, doesn't really matter in the context of my life and my values.</b><br />
Commitment: care less about things beyond my control, and things that even if are in my control, aren't worth the effort. Summarized by "fuck it"!<br />
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So... anyone want to be on my accountability team? (This means nagging an appropriate amount if you catch me failing to stick with the six items above). I pay in cookies.Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-18320042020849703132011-12-29T15:40:00.000-08:002011-12-29T15:40:57.465-08:00Strength and independence: compatible with intimacy?When I miss someone, whether it's my partner, my dog, or a particular family member, I tend to berate myself afterwards for not being " strong and independent enough". Apparently, somewhere in my "I must be a strong and independent feminist woman" socialization, it got coded into my brain that having emotions associated with missing somebody makes me WEAK. <br />
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It's like I feel like my humanity needs to be suppressed so I won't be "weak". MUST BE LIKE SELF-SUFFICIENT AUTOMATON!!!!! But let's look at the analogy a little deeper...<br />
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Even computers are more useful and powerful when networked together. (I cite as proof the distributed analysis of extraterrestrial signals a la the SETI program.) not to mention that being hooked into the net provides a wealth of information not otherwise available. <br />
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And it's sort of funny, the fact that one of the things that I consider myself very good at is networking: I once asked a group of people that if they needed access to something (lets call it, oregano), who they would call if they needed a hook up. Most of them said me, even though I do not smoke, I mean, cook with, oregano. What's even funnier? Is that I really could. Mostly by using my network. This goes for catering, troubleshooting technology, trades, and sometimes, a bed for the night in another city. I do this by nurturing my network. I've often wondered whether this might work to find say, a living organ donor if someone needed a kidney? <br />
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So if I consider one of my strengths to be the bringing together of people, why am I such a spaz when I catch myself missing the presence of those closest to me? Again, it comes to an internal conflict between my head and my heart. No doubt some of it comes from my history. When those who are supposed to protect you from the harsh judgments of society are the ones who are the harshest and most brutal judges, it fucks you up a LOT. I tend to become rather paranoid-egocentric when alone, like this week in Hong Kong when I am ever so aware that I do not look as one is expected to look given my social standing here. Even though I doubt anyone of consequence gives a shit, I still feel hyper-aware that here I would be considered rather unattractive due to my body size and the lack of attention I devote to things like clothing and hair.<br />
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It seems natural then, that I miss having the usual loving and accepting friends and loved ones (and yes, loved ones absolutely include my dog in the mix) all around me. So maybe I just need to stop being such a bitch to myself about it.<br />
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After all, even androids develop attachments...<br />
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From Star Trek: TNG, episode 4.6 "Legacy"<br />
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Ishara Yar: Are you able to have friends? <br />
Lt. Commander Data: Yes. <br />
Ishara Yar: But you don't have feelings, do you? <br />
Lt. Commander Data: Not as such. However, even among humans, friendship is sometimes less an emotional response, and more a sense of... familiarity. <br />
Ishara Yar: So, you can become used to someone. <br />
Lt. Commander Data: Exactly. As I experience certain sensory input patterns, my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The input is eventually anticipated, and even missed when absent. Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-24463750934740492952011-12-26T17:09:00.000-08:002011-12-26T17:09:29.643-08:00War on Christmas? Seriously?I've seen two types of postings on Facebook about the supposed "war on Christmas". The first is by those who feel "persecuted" and they go on about how they won't apologize for for having a CHRISTMAS tree and how they will never use the religiously neutral "happy holidays". Some continue on to add that this is because there is too much "multiculturalism" and that Christmas just isn't the same because of "all those immigrants".<br />
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Then I see those who feel as though they are being blamed for the " war on Christmas". These posters correctly point out that the only people who aren't immigrants or descendants of immigrants in North America are Indigenous peoples, who did not celebrate Christmas. Blaming immigrants for the " war on Christmas" is racist and reinforces the colonialism that victimized an entire population of indigenous peoples. <br />
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But that is not the main purpose of this post. Many others have already pointed out the problems with the finger pointing as to who is responsible for this supposed war, but I want to challenge whether this war actually exists at all: and if it's just a myth, why is this myth being perpetuated, and what purpose might it serve?<br />
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If someone chooses to say "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas", it's usually not because they hate your baby Jesus. It's about choosing to be inclusive, like how I wouldn't assume anyone's partner is of any particular gender without further information. I use the gender neutral term partner so that those who do not identify as straight know that I am not making assumptions about them, not because I am declaring war on heterosexuality. <br />
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It drives me nutty that somehow using inclusive language when it comes to the winter holiday season is being constructed by some to be anti-Christianity. Happy holidays INCLUDES the possibility that what you celebrate may be Christmas. And also many other traditions popular at this time of year. I also have a hard time figuring out exactly which group of non-Christians are supposedly SO OFFENDED by being told "merry Christmas", because I've yet to meet someone who feels that way. I don't believe in Jesus, but I am happy to hear and also often wish people a Merry Christmas. <br />
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Yet this concept of a supposed war on Christmas seems to have really taken root. Perfectly nice, reasonable people, who I would like to believe are not active and deliberate participants in oppressing people from minority cultural groups repost Facebook statuses and other related materials lamenting about how they feel so persecuted in celebrating Christmas. Seriously? Your nationally recognized holiday, combined with a myriad of social and cultural rituals that are based on the birth of your savior isn't enough to make you feel secure in your celebrations? What more could you possibly want? Christmas is everywhere, pretty much starting in July (which is when Hallmark rolls out their yearly ornament collection). Do people really believe that their Christmas is somehow in danger because some people opt to use the more inclusive happy holidays??<br />
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I ask this because I've found the stories I've heard this year about Christmas versus some other more generic term have been really rampant this year, and, ironically, really takes away from the Christmas/holidays warm fuzzies. If Christmas is really so important to you, I really wish you'd focus on being kind and good to others, instead of focusing on the mistake and extremely self-centered "oh my god Christians are under attack" propaganda.<br />
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Oh, and for those of you who are upset by the use of "Xmas" versus "Christmas"? I can't speak for everyone, but I use it because I am LAZY, not because I hate your religion. I'm pretty sure Jesus taught that being self-centered is not a good thing. So get over yourself.<br />
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Happy holidays, everyone! And yes, that's for the Xmas people too. :PLily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-45120580721095287102011-12-24T02:23:00.000-08:002011-12-24T02:23:18.882-08:00Reasoning with Anxiety<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Tomorrow I leave for the other side of the planet, where nearly all of the paternal side of my family resides. Hong Kong was my childhood home; although I would not like to live there full-time, I miss it and think of it often.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I should be excited about going back for a visit; I always have a great time. Yet it's 3 a.m. and I'm awake, stimulated by a dull buzz of generalized anxiety. I have nothing to be anxious about; my dog has a great time at my friends' house, I have several neighbours and friends taking care of the house, I don't have any issues with flying (I get motion sick, but I don't really worry about in-flight incidents or anything like that). </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm always like this before a trip, even though I know there's no reason to be spazzy about it. I've been trying to reason with myself all evening: "Lily, you have nothing to worry about; in reality all you really need to get on that plane and get out of here is your passport." Although I know this to be true, I'm still mildly uneasy.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Then I moved on to attempts to rationalize in a way that blames the situation, and the broader socio-political-cultural contexts of my life. This is mostly about the impact of colonialism and the splitting up of families. Again, true, but not effective in resolving my current state.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's like what Bilbo said in LOTR: "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;">I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread." When more than one place feels like home, every time you leave one location for another you leave a piece of yourself behind, and after 25 years of this, I think it's really starting to wear on me. The excitement of seeing family far away is always tempered by the knowledge that in a few weeks we'll be saying goodbye again. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">I don't really know where I'm going with this... other than that I really wish we had Star Trek style transporter technology. Perhaps I should go back to school and become a physicist. </span></span>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541758963579699581.post-18226802422141537612011-12-20T22:44:00.000-08:002011-12-20T22:56:30.602-08:00Taking a Chance: An Unconventional Cover Letter<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I was going to do my first post about why I'm starting yet another blog, why you should read it, blah blah blah blah. Then I realized that it would be a waste of both my time and yours. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Instead, I want to talk about a recent job application I submitted in response to this ad: </span><br />
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<h2 style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; clear: both; color: #00aeef; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 19px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Strategist Search</span></h2><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Everyone likes a smarty pants and zag creative group is no exception. We’re looking for a highly strategic thinker to join our team. We’re looking for uber strategic. “Kind of strategic”, “fairly strategic” and “what’s strategic” need not apply.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now what does a strategic thinker need to do? Well think for one, but specifically we seek an individual that is experienced in the development of marketing and communications plans.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The person for the zag team should be able to develop ideas that are customized to meet the goals and objectives of a client and be able to explain how the ideas work and achieve results. This person can see the big picture and understands how all the tiny specks of colour work together to make that big picture.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This person also has top notch writing skills. You don’t need to be able to write ad copy (although that’s not a bad skill to have) but you do need to be able to convey your ideas as concisely, cleanly and as error free as possible. Clients kind of hate when you spell their names wrong.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Tell us why your strategic mind and mad thinking skills are needed on our team. Please forward your resume to XXX, partner/director of strategic development at xxx@xxx.com</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Short listed applicants will be contacted for interviews.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #636466; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="newsHeading" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #a1ce69; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">posted 10/19/2011</span></span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Retrieved December 20, 2011 from <a href="http://www.zagcreativegroup.com/news/">here.</a></span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I decided that since they drifted significantly from a typical job posting, that I would take a chance and respond in a nonconventional way also.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here is what I sent in:</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">***</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">November 17, 2011</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Dear Ms. XXX,</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Let me begin with some shameless flattery for your organization:</span></span></div><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I love that your website and the job posting has a sense of humour.</span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I love that the company blog isn’t all cheesy “how to grow your business” advice that’s duplicated umpteenth times on various other blogs.</span></span></li>
</ul><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And now I’ll engage in some not-so-humble self promotion:</span></span></div><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My past work experience meant that I had to make academic research (which can be inaccessible and boring) appeal to the masses, and sexual violence education (which can be outright traumatic) enjoyable for youth. I managed both quite well. As my psychologist </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">says, “Lily, I have no doubt you could sell whatever you wanted to.” (Footnote: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I see a psychologist because I believe in being as psychologically healthy as possible. Not because I’m crazy. At least, not more so than other people in the general population.)</span></li>
</ul><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I’ve always loved problem-solving, and it shows in how I spend my downtime. I spend much of my free time playing nerdy boardgames that involve a lot of statistics and probability calculations. I used to lead raids with 40+ people in <i>World of Warcraft,</i> while working full-time and enrolled in graduate school. (This also showcases my ability to multi-task, and manage my caffeine-intake for maximum productivity).</span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I’ve developed a strong eye for detail, especially in regards to editing. As a demonstration and a few editing freebies, you should know that as of 10:39 a.m., November 14, 2011:</span></span></li>
<ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">On your website, under the heading “We’re zag”, an “a” is missing: “zag creative group inc. may seem like <b>[a]</b> typical ad firm”. </span></span></li>
<li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In the job posting, there is an extra “the” in this sentence: “...ideas that are customized to <b>[the] </b>meet the goals and objectives of a client...”.</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Also in the job posting, an “it” is missing: “Clients kind of hate <b>[it]</b> when you spell their names wrong”. </span></span></li>
</ul></ul><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am good with people. So good that I use my ex-husband as a work reference if a position has any significant technical element, because I believe that no one can speak better to my technical literacy and limitations than an IT professional with whom I spent 10 years of my life. Also, I still have an open invitation from my first boyfriend’s parents to visit at any time (we dated 16 years ago, when I was 16). I also have excellent relationships with lots of other people that have nothing to do with my dating history.</span></span></li>
</ul><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I’ll close with a confession of my weaknesses:</span></span></div><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have two unfinished graduate degrees, one in Psychology and one in Communications and Technology. I seem to have a problem going through the motions of finishing final projects, but my excuse is that I have been too busy actually using what I’ve learned to bother graduating. I do feel that my academic training has been exceptionally useful in the workplace, despite not actually having graduated (both programs are still open to me returning to finish).</span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I played <i>World of Warcraft</i> for 3 years. Leading large-scale raids taught me a lot about team work, but the amount of time I devoted to the game was problematic. There are some elements of my personality that could manifest in the form of addictive behaviours. Of course, this could work out well for an employer if I happen to become addicted to work, so perhaps it’s not all bad.</span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li style="font: 11.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I do not eat my grilled cheese sandwiches with ketchup, which according to your blog entry, would make me “seriously messed up”. I am willing to fake it for the sake of this position, but know that this would be bordering on sacrilege. That’s how much I want to work for you.</span></span></li>
</ul><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It’s obvious from Zag’s website and job posting that personal fit is a crucial element. If the job posting and the website content is any indication, my writing style and sense of humour may be an excellent fit. I hope that we will have an opportunity to discuss this in person so I could further showcase just how awesome I think I could be as a member of your team.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thank you for your consideration. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Uber-sincerely,</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Lily T.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 11px/normal Palatino; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">P. S. I would be highly useful in a zombie apocalypse situation. This might seem a bit like a non-sequitur, but given that other than our friends and family, co-workers are typically who we spend the most time with, I do think that my usefulness in an end-of-the-world scenario is worthy of consideration. After all, a desire to survive should bring out the strategic thinker in all of us... and fantasizing about how one would act in such a situation makes for solid problem-solving practice! </span></span></div><br />
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">***</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So what did I learn from this? I didn't make the cut for a second interview, but I was told that my cover letter made her "laugh out loud". I had so much fun writing the letter that I started sharing it with some of my friends, all of whom offered nothing but positive feedback. One person said that "not only should they hire you, they should give you retropay!". Another said that if I wasn't already dating somebody, this would have gotten me asked out on a date. Yet another proposed outright marriage, in response to the footnote about my psychologist. Several people laughed until they had tears in their eyes. </span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The best comment came from a friend that I've known for over a decade: "When I read this, I can hear your voice inside my head. This is SO you!"</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And in the end, shouldn't that be exactly what a cover letter accomplish? Show a potential employer who I am?</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am throwing this out now into the blogosphere, because I am proud of who I am, personally and professionally. This cover letter showcases a bit of that. I hope you, dear reader, enjoyed it. Feedback is more than welcomed. A job offer would be even better.</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Until later,</span></div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Lily T. </span></div>Lily T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10040564597833967756noreply@blogger.com1